| Stewards Newsletter & Monthly Competition 7th July 2010
Hallo and Welcome to our July Newsletter. What a glorious June we have had and July's weather looks great! I had my special friends from Australia with me for a week and the sun shone every day – usually when they come to me in June, I rake out the winter clothes for them. Am ashamed to say I had not been to the Spinnaker Tower, so we went there and it's absolutely wonderful. I have a great view of it from my place and this time I was able to see Ward Court from there.
Something you might be interested in – Opera in the Park – this is in Victoria Park in Portsmouth on Saturday 31 st July and its absolutely FREE starting at 7.00pm, but if you want to be near the front, get there at 6.00pm. Bring a picnic, your chairs and a rug and enjoy the “best bits of opera” with Hatstand Opera. They have a website, but the telephone number is 02392826722.
TABLE TOP SALE - once again a great success. I can't thank you enough for all the HELP and the MARVELLOUS GIFTS for our Tombola Table – this raised £113.00. The grand total for the day was £368.50 – no doubt in due course Tania will tell you “what she has done with it.” We have a great Community Centre, which would grind to a halt without all the dedicated people involved. A wonderful example – a married couple who came on our excursion to Marlow and Henley (a lovely day, but a long day) dashed off the coach because they were on duty Stewarding from 7.00pm onwards. He ran to Tesco's to buy a couple of sandwiches and she ran to the Centre to take over from the previous Steward.
TOMMY COOPER TIME (I am typing this at 6.30am and he does make me laugh) My friend died in a bowl of Muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, Doctor. I can't feel my legs!” The Doctor replied, “I know you can't, I've cut your arms off.”
Man goes to the Doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head. The Doctor says, “I'll give you some cream to put on it.”
I was getting into my car and this bloke says to me, “Can you give me a lift?” I said, sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.”
Our Ice Cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. The Police say that he topped himself.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
WHAT THE PAPERS SAY
Stay Smelling Sweet in this Hot Weather! Here's a neat way to counteract body odour when the deodorant's out of reach – a packet of fizzy sweets. Slip some crushed Love Hearts under your armpits and this averts a crisis for you and anybody sitting nearby. It works because the main ingredient of fizzy sweets and sherbet is bicarbonate of soda, a crystalline grain that's mildly alkaline and neutralises the armpit's acidic scent molecules. (Honestly, this is not a Tommy Cooper joke).
QUIZ TIME
Congratulations to Lyn George the Winner drawn from the hat for the Entertainment Quiz - I always say, “Don't forget to collect your Prize”, but I don't really think I need to! The Quiz for July is a General Knowledge one, so put your thinking caps on and the closing date is the 4 th of August.
EXCURSIONS
MONDAY JULY 26 TH – WESTFIELD SHOPPING CENTRE Coach departs from the road outside the Centre at 9.00am. there is a waiting list in case of any cancellations.
WATERCRESS LINE Due to operational reasons, the date has had to be changed. Fortunately the booking list had not yet opened.
THE DATE IS NOW TUESDAY 31 st AUGUST
The coach will depart from the road outside the Centre at 10.00am for the morning in Alresford with plenty of time to explore and buy some lunch and in the afternoon we will board the train where we will be served with a Cream Tea during the journey to Alton.
GOOD MILK - In a Convent in Ireland the 98 year old Mother Superior lay dying. The Nuns gathered round her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the Nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and then she remembered a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas. She opened it and poured a generous amount into the milk.
Back at the Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips. The frail Nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop. As her eyes brightened, the Nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with her. “Mother” they said. “Give us some of your wisdom before you leave us.” She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said, “DON'T SELL THAT COW.”
Best Wishes. Cathy Kennealy
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